The Relationship Counselling Directory London & UK

 

Qualified relationship counsellors and marriage counsellors near you.

 

Relationship Counselling (Couples Counselling )

Relationship Counselling supports you and your partner to improve communication in your relationship. Working together with your partner is much more effective than individual therapy. Attending together shows you are both want to look at  your relationship and better understand each other.

Couples  counsellors on this site have all done a proper couples counselling training. They regularly work with couples and are familiar with the causes of relationship conflict and how to work with couples effectively. Be aware that many therapists offer couples counselling based on their qualifications and training to work one to one.They aren't trained to work with couples.

Marriage counselling / Guidance

Marriage guidance is another term used for  couples counselling. Relationship issues surface either a few months into marriage when you invested so much into each other and different expectation lead to conflict. Marriages and committed relationships can begin to untangle a fews years in due to works stresses or having children. Feelings of 'I love you, but I'm not in Love with you' are common and can be worked through.

Relationship Advice

Your relationship counsellor won't offer you relationship advice as a friend might. Better they create an safe environment , make a proper assessment of your relationship and help you understand how you can both work together. They may make suggestions to help you develop new skills and behaviours. You learn new ways to think about and understand each other which helps you free up whatever feels 'stuck' in your relationship.

 

 

 Use this  directory to find:

  • Qualified counsellors near your postcode
  • The information you need to make a choose the right therapist

 

Counselling For Couples

 Each relationship counsellor has a profile page describing their work, including a contact form. The map search to helps you locate professionals who practice in locations that are convenient for you. 

 
We will be adding materials and resources which we hope will prove helpful, particularly to individuals and couples who are facing problems in relationships and marriage.

If you :

  • Have difficulty talking things through

  • Are in crisis

  • Want more intimacy

  • Argue constantly

  • Have discovered an affair, a betrayal, cheating or break of trust

  • Love your partner, but don't feel in love with them

  • Need relationship advice to improve communcation skills

  • Want help being part of a step-family

Get the  support you need:

Find the right therapist for you  on this site.

 

 

 

 

Couples' Distance Persuer Dance

When we feel under threat or vulnerable the natural response is to reach out for connection ( often through protest ) or withdraw/ numb out to self-protect. This is sometimes called the  fight, flight, freeze response. When there is a good connection, partners feel nourished and close. Often couples get stuck in a negative cycle making it hard to reconnect due to a history of hurt and entrenched positions.

 

In arguments the reaching out for connection when mixed with hurt can be experienced as by a partner as criticism/ attack.This  leads to withdrawl/ self protection.

When our reaching out for connection fails to be met, we protest, criticise, demand, blame which causes more withdrawl. Also withdrawing elicits a partner to attempt to reconnect by prostesting at the lack of connection.

Couples get stuck arguing about 'content' such as 'cleaning, the dishwasher, staying out late, working long hours", when what's important is what it means in terms of the couple seeking closeness or distance and what it means to each partner in terms of 'feeling connected'  .  In a relationship at different times there are variations on the basic default distance/ persuer theme.

There's attack/attack or mutual withdrawl or a change of positions as the persuer gives up momentarility.

 

Withdrawers say...

"You never come near me, it's always up to me to initiate sex"

"I can never get it right"

"I don't know what I feel. I don't feeling anything..I'm lost"

"I just want us to have a nice time and not argue"

" You are always picking on something"

"Can't you just relax and put your do to list down?"

"She gives me that look and I'm paralysed"

" I can never get it right for her, there is always something"

"I can't clean to her standards"

"She gets upset over the smallest things"

Pursuers say...

" It's up to me to do everything, he never takes the initiative"

" He's spends all his time at work or at the computer"

"When I ask him what's wrong, he snaps at me"

" I can't stand it when he just walks away"

"I feel I am way down on his list"

"Any hope of romance or passion is futile, he's just not interested"

"He never listens to me. He just gives advice"

" I've got so used to doing things on my own"

 

Relationship counselling gives couples the support to slow things down, to  recognise and descalate the distance/persuer dance. It helps  through naming and normalising how couples get stuck. Through the process you learn how to create replace the negative pattern with a nourishing positive re-enforcing pattern leading to more feeling of closeness and being supported.

 

Finding A Relationship Counsellor

Here's a practical guide:

Use the Internet

relationship counsellor

 You may be fortunate enough to have a recommendation from a friend or family member. Yet nowadays many couples find a counsellor  via the internet. It's a process of searching for relationship counsellors in your area, finding out what they say about themselves, looking at their training,availability, fees and reviews if available.

The best guide is to trust your gut-feel. You want a relationship counsellor you feel you can trust and talk to. You want to feel safe but not too safe! You need a counsellor who challenges you and shakes up the status quo. You want a counsellor who can handle strong emotion. Someone who is calm ,solid and impartial. Someone who is there for you both and doesn't take sides.  You want a relationship counsellor who will  supports you to  work on your relationship.

 

Make Sense of  Counsellors' Qualifications and Training

Levels of Training

Many therapists  trained to work with clients one to one see couples. They may be well qualified and accredited with BACP or UKCP based on their skills of working one ot one. It's my experience that working with couples requires a different skillset/ approach to working one to one. I recommend looking at a therapist's training to check that they have been specifically trained to work with couples.

Variations in Approach

How to make sense of different therapeutic approaches?  Firstly remember that  qualities of the relationship counsellor tends to be more important than nuances of their training. Relationship counsellors. Research shows that relatonship problems are usually co-created so most relationshhip counsellors use a 'systemic model' which means they look at your relationship dynamic as a system where one of you impact the other. This is different from an individual approach were the focus is on one person or the other.

Couples Counselling or  Individual Counselling?

If you are having issues in your relationship  you may be wondering if it's best for one of you to deal with their issues in individual counselling. I would recommend first going together for  counselling. In relationships, although often it doesn't seem like it, both partners tend to co-create the relationship issues so it makes sense for you to look at what is going on together.

You can continue with individual counselling while attending relationship counselling. If you are attending relationship counselling , you can discuss if individual counselling is a good idea. Usually this would be with a separate counsellor. You need to be mindful that if both you and your partner have individual counselling it can become a way of avoiding what is going on between you .

What if Your Partner is Unwilling to Attend?

 It's common for one partner to be keen to try relationship counsellor and the other not sure. Starting together is best.However you can attend by yourself initially if your partner is reluctant with the option of  your partner attending later. Your partner my be willing to come later on seeing the positive changes in you and that the counsellor isn't taking sides.

 

Fees

In general relationship counsellors try to respond to couple's financial constraints by agreeing managable feels or altering the frequency of sessions. If sessions are unaffordable to you or your  financial situation changes do discuss with your relationship counsellor to see what agreement can be reached.

 

Skype Sessions

Some relationship counsellors offer skype sessions. The benefits and disadvantages of using skype need to be considered before deciding to have skype sessions. Although skype offers the convenience of being able to work with a therapist without having to travel, it's not going to have the benefits of meeting face to face. Meeting in the therapist room , away from your home enviroment  creates a better boundaried space to work on your relationship. Using skype can feel less connected and less personable that face to face sessions.If you can try to find a local relationship counsellor. Consider combining  regular face to face sessions with occasional Skype sessions when you are unable to attend in person can work well.

 

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Relationship Counsellors

Cate Mackensie - Psychosexual Couples Therapist Chelsea

Richard Cole - Psychosexual  EFT Relationship Counsellor London

Jenni Camplin -  Relationship Counsellor Bromley

Gary Schuller - Relationship Counselling Ealing and Central London

Maggie Hacker - Relationship Counsellor Golders Green

Scilla Alvarado - Relationship Counsellor Finsbury Park

Sharon Kirby - Counselling for Couples Windsor

Caroline Burr - Relationship Coach Windsor

Arthur and Jenny Dickson - Relationship Counselling Horsham

Giorgio Salmistraro - Relationship Counsellor London Bridge

Matt Davies - Relationship Counselling EC2

Elisabeth Marriner - Couples counselling Kensington

James Earl - Relationship Counselling Teddington

Sharon Kirby - Counselling for Couples Windsor

Caroline Burr - Relationship Coach Windsor

Ulrike Adeneuer-Chima - Relationship Counsellor Tottenham

Jo Nicholl -  Relationship Counsellor Harley St

Laurence Duffy - Relationship Counsellor Redbridge

Maggie Chasity - EFT Relationship Counsellor Wimslow

Rachella Michaels - EFT Relationship Counsellor North London

Julie Jeffs - EFT Relationship Counsellor Plymouth

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