The Relationship Counselling Directory London & UK

 

Good relationship counselling

from qualified relationship counsellors near you.

 

Are you...

  • Having difficulty talking things through?

  • In crisis?

  • Wanting more intimacy?

  • Arguing constantly?

  • In shock about an affair, a betrayal, cheating or break of trust?

  • Wanting to improve your sex life?
  • Feeling you love your partner, but don't feel you are in love with them?

  • Want help being part of a step-family?

  • About to get married and want premarital counselling?

All counsellors on this site have couples counselling training. Search by postcode to find a relationship counsellor.

 

What is Relationship Counselling /Couples Counselling ?

 

  • Relationship Counselling / Couples Counselling is the process of attending counselling sessions as a couple typically weekly or every other week. Most counsellors will see you for one individual session each after the first session.
  • The counsellor supports you both to understand how you get stuck in neg and how to  work things through. They help you slow down your interactions in conflict situations so there is space to understand how you both get triggered and to make sense of what you are feeling at the time.
  • On balance, relationship counselling helps couples to address the underlying issues that cause conflict and disconnection . Relationship counselling  doesn't make things worse , rather gives you the best chance of working through the issues that are already there. It often also helps you feel closer and more able to connect. 
  • Couples come for relationship counselling at all stages of relationship.
  • Being in a relationship is difficult for most of us ! Attending relationship counselling recently in the media is being  seen as a a positive way to keep your relationship healthy.
  • Good relationship counsellors are skilled at making you feel safe, while at the same time providing you with the right level of challenge so you get the most out of each session.

 

Marriage counselling / Marriage Guidance

Marriage guidance is another term used for couples counselling. Relationship issues typically surface  a few months into marriage when different expectations lead to conflict. Marriages and committed relationships also becoming more challenging a  years in due to work stress or having children. Feeling towards your partner  'I love you, but I'm not in love with you' are common and an indication of being caught in a static pattern of relating where the relationship is no longer nourishing you. By recognising the current pattern and learning to reconnect  in a that nourishes you both feelings of love can return .

Relationship Advice

Your relationship counsellor is unlikely to offer you relationship advice in the same way as a friend might. They are more likely through the questions they ask to help you see your relationship and the challenges you are facing from a fresher perspective , where through the process you move from 'stuck' to 'unstuck' or from disconnected to  connected. It's an experience that changes the quality of your couple interaction rather than a process of getting advice.

 

Website Overview

 

 Each relationship counsellor listed on this site has a profile page providing details of how they work and a  contact form. Use the post-code search facility to see  counsellors tnear  you. We will be adding materials and resources which we hope will prove helpful, particularly to individuals and couples who are facing problems in relationships and marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recommended Books

Couples' Distance Persuer Dance

When we feel under threat or vulnerable the natural response is to reach out for connection ( often through protest ) or withdraw/ numb out to self-protect. This is sometimes called the  fight, flight, freeze response. When there is a good connection, partners feel nourished and close. Often couples get stuck in a negative cycle making it hard to reconnect due to a history of hurt and entrenched positions.

 

In arguments the reaching out for connection when mixed with hurt can be experienced as by a partner as criticism/ attack.This  leads to withdrawl/ self protection.

When our reaching out for connection fails to be met, we protest, criticise, demand, blame which causes more withdrawl. Also withdrawing elicits a partner to attempt to reconnect by prostesting at the lack of connection.

Couples get stuck arguing about 'content' such as 'cleaning, the dishwasher, staying out late, working long hours", when what's important is what it means in terms of the couple seeking closeness or distance and what it means to each partner in terms of 'feeling connected'  .  In a relationship at different times there are variations on the basic default distance/ persuer theme.

There's attack/attack or mutual withdrawl or a change of positions as the persuer gives up momentarility.

 

Withdrawers say...

"You never come near me, it's always up to me to initiate sex"

"I can never get it right"

"I don't know what I feel. I don't feeling anything..I'm lost"

"I just want us to have a nice time and not argue"

" You are always picking on something"

"Can't you just relax and put your to do list down?"

"She gives me that look and I'm paralysed"

" I can never get it right for her, there is always something"

"I can't clean to her standards"

"She gets upset over the smallest things"

Pursuers say...

" It's up to me to do everything, he never takes the initiative"

" He's spends all his time at work or at the computer"

"When I ask him what's wrong, he snaps at me"

" I can't stand it when he just walks away"

"I feel I am way down on his list"

"Any hope of romance or passion is futile, he's just not interested"

"He never listens to me. He just gives advice"

" I've got so used to doing things on my own"

 

Relationship counselling gives couples the support to slow things down, to  recognise and descalate the distance/persuer dance. It helps  through naming and normalising how couples get stuck. Through the process you learn how to create replace the negative pattern with a nourishing positive re-enforcing pattern leading to more feeling of closeness and being supported.

 

Finding A Relationship Counsellor

Here's a practical guide:

Use the Internet

relationship counsellor

 You may be fortunate enough to have a recommendation from a friend or family member. Yet nowadays many couples find a counsellor  via the internet. It's a process of searching for relationship counsellors in your area, finding out what they say about themselves, looking at their training,availability, fees and reviews if available.

The best guide is to trust your gut-feel. You want a relationship counsellor you feel you can trust and talk to. You want to feel safe but not too safe! You need a counsellor who challenges you and shakes up the status quo. You want a counsellor who can handle strong emotion. Someone who is calm ,solid and impartial. Someone who is there for you both and doesn't take sides.  You want a relationship counsellor who will  supports you to  work on your relationship.

 

Make Sense of  Counsellors' Qualifications and Training

Levels of Training

Many therapists  trained to work with clients one to one see couples. They may be well qualified and accredited with BACP or UKCP based on their skills of working one ot one. It's my experience that working with couples requires a different skillset/ approach to working one to one. I recommend looking at a therapist's training to check that they have been specifically trained to work with couples.

Variations in Approach

How to make sense of different therapeutic approaches?  Firstly remember that  qualities of the relationship counsellor tends to be more important than nuances of their training. Relationship counsellors. Research shows that relatonship problems are usually co-created so most relationshhip counsellors use a 'systemic model' which means they look at your relationship dynamic as a system where one of you impact the other. This is different from an individual approach were the focus is on one person or the other.

Couples Counselling or  Individual Counselling?

If you are having issues in your relationship  you may be wondering if it's best for one of you to deal with their issues in individual counselling. I would recommend first going together for  counselling. In relationships, although often it doesn't seem like it, both partners tend to co-create the relationship issues so it makes sense for you to look at what is going on together.

You can continue with individual counselling while attending relationship counselling. If you are attending relationship counselling , you can discuss if individual counselling is a good idea. Usually this would be with a separate counsellor. You need to be mindful that if both you and your partner have individual counselling it can become a way of avoiding what is going on between you .

What if Your Partner is Unwilling to Attend?

 It's common for one partner to be keen to try relationship counsellor and the other not sure. Starting together is best.However you can attend by yourself initially if your partner is reluctant with the option of  your partner attending later. Your partner my be willing to come later on seeing the positive changes in you and that the counsellor isn't taking sides.

 

Fees

In general relationship counsellors try to respond to couple's financial constraints by agreeing managable feels or altering the frequency of sessions. If sessions are unaffordable to you or your  financial situation changes do discuss with your relationship counsellor to see what agreement can be reached.

 

Skype Sessions

Some relationship counsellors offer skype sessions. The benefits and disadvantages of using skype need to be considered before deciding to have skype sessions. Although skype offers the convenience of being able to work with a therapist without having to travel, it's not going to have the benefits of meeting face to face. Meeting in the therapist room , away from your home enviroment  creates a better boundaried space to work on your relationship. Using skype can feel less connected and less personable that face to face sessions.If you can try to find a local relationship counsellor. Consider combining  regular face to face sessions with occasional Skype sessions when you are unable to attend in person can work well.

 

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Relationship Counsellors

Cate Mackensie - Psychosexual Couples Therapist Chelsea

Ali and Paul - Creative Couple Therapy Rickmansworth

Helene Igewbuike - EFT Relationship counsellor Euston

Kari Dewar - North London Therapy Rooms Tufnel Park N19

Helen Perkes - Psychosexual Relationship Counsellor Paddington

Richard Cole - Psychosexual  EFT Relationship Counsellor London

Jenni Camplin -  Relationship Counsellor Bromley

Bob Lynton – Relationship & Psychosexual Counsellor in central London W1

Gary Schuller - Relationship Counselling Ealing and Central London

Maggie Hacker - Relationship Counsellor Golders Green

Scilla Alvarado - Relationship Counsellor Finsbury Park

Sharon Kirby - Counselling for Couples Windsor

Caroline Burr - Relationship Coach Windsor

Arthur and Jenny Dickson - Relationship Counselling Horsham

Giorgio Salmistraro - Relationship Counsellor London Bridge

Matt Davies - Relationship Counselling EC2

Elisabeth Marriner - Couples counselling Kensington

James Earl - Relationship Counselling Teddington

Ulrike Adeneuer-Chima - Relationship Counsellor Tottenham

Jo Nicholl -  Relationship Counsellor Harley St

Laurence Duffy - Relationship Counsellor Redbridge

Maggie Chasity - EFT Relationship Counsellor Wimslow

Rachella Michaels - EFT Relationship Counsellor North London

Julie Jeffs - EFT Relationship Counsellor Plymouth

Stuart Tomkins - Relationship Counselling Manchester