Gary Schuller Relationship Counselling
Relationship Counselling Qualifications
- Msc Couple and Family Therapy (Mercy College, New York)-
- Post Graduate Diploma Creative CoupleWork (Centre for Gender Psychology, London)-
- Registered Member MBACP -
- American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy-
- UK Association for Family Therapy
Relationship Counsellor Summary
I work with couples and individuals wanting to take an honest look at their relationships. New relationship skills and growing self awareness can help you build the kind of relationship you really want.
Relationship Counselling Fees
|Time||Couple||Individual||Variations / Notes|
Appointments on short notice possible.
Ealing and Brentford
|Appointments on short notice possible.|
Skype Sessions offered
Send Gary Schuller Relationship Counselling an Email
Relationship Counsellor Details
Struggling to love and be loved can take us to the very edge of our
hopes and fears. As someone once said, ‘’we are born out of
relationship, are wounded in relationship and we can heal through
I know how difficult being part of a couple can be. For many years
I’ve worked alongside couples working through relationship difficulties
and I have found my own search to be an intimate partner the most
challenging and rewarding experience of a lifetime.
I hold an MSc in Couple and Family Therapy from Mercy College, New York and postgraduate specialist training in counselling couples from The Center for
Gender Psychology, London. My approach to relationship counselling reflects a cutting edge approach and philosophy, that many couples and individuals find supportive and empowering.
What I offer can help couples:
- to understand that what looks and feels like the end of love, is
often the ending of a relationship phase, not the relationship itself
- to make sense of relationship difficulties and negative patterns and move through and beyond them
- to learn to love in a new way that can change and grow as each partner changes and grows
What Clients Say...
'I can’t find enough words to explain the benefit to my life that
your counselling brought and I will always be grateful for the way you
helped to clarify the negative situations which surrounded our family.'
Myself and my wife have been married only a few years but with the
modern lifestyles and a number of external factors, communication had
broken down and there was barely any relationship left.
My wife first thought of the idea of going to counselling and we found Gary.
We both liked Gary's straight forward way of listening and identifying
with our problems. There was enough trust there to enable both of us
to speak completely honestly, whilst the other listened, which was not
only incredibly refreshing and something completely new - but enabled
us to see something in the other person that made each of us realise
that we wanted to re-build our relationship.
'My family and I were going through a very difficult period and Gary
was recommended to me by a good friend. Initially I was very
reluctant to admit counselling would be the right course of action for
us. However, having spent a number of sessions as a family, as a
couple and as an individual, Gary has helped us all to move on in more
ways than I could have thought possible and we have all benefited
immensely from his advice and excellent method of communication.'
'My wife and I have been having Couples Therapy with Gary Schuller
once a month for more than a year now. We were going through a rough
patch and could only see our relationship through negative eyes. Gary
helped us step back (or forward...!) and have a better understanding of
our partner's, as well as our, feelings... He showed great patience, a
wonderful capacity to listen and a sharp, analytic mind.'
'Most of all, I am touched by Gary's depth of empathy. I have been able to open up and face parts of myself I struggle with.'
'We came to Gary when our relationship had self destructed. It felt
as though it was in tiny pieces all around us. Trust was broken and
there was much hurt/anger. It was all so hopeless.
However today, we write this stronger, more connected, deeper in Love than our
relationship has been in years, maybe even ever! We only wish we would
have started couple counselling a long time ago.
Through our sessions the healing process was able to begin in a safe environment.
We looked at our relationship and ourselves in a delicate, but much
needed way. With Gary's guidance we turned a corner and we are now
feeling Hopeful about Our Future.'
Relationship Counselling/Couples Counselling
Our intimate relationships can be one of the greatest sources of joy
and fulfilment in life. Our sense of identity, belonging and
connection is very much related to relationships with those we love.
When conflict arises in our relationships, it can feel like our world is
turned upside down. Couples I work with often talk about feeling
stuck in patterns of relating which are painful and deeply
unsatisfying. When you are stuck in these patterns it can be hard to
see a way out and a sense of despair can set in.
We learn most about how to be in relationships in the family we grew up in. In every family there are messages and habits about how to relate that are set down in the early years. When we grow up, it’s normal to repeat patterns we learned as a child. However, what worked for us as a child, may not work for us as an adult.
Couple or individual relationship counselling can help you to identify old the patterns that are not meeting your needs and find new ways of relating that can help you grow individually and as a couple.
All the couples I see are experiencing conflict.
Conflict is inevitable in relationships with people we love. It’s the people we love who ‘get under our skin’ the most intensely. I believe how we view conflict in our relationships makes a big difference in our ability to work through relationship problems.
I take a positive view of relationships, including the difficult parts. When you're in the middle of relationship conflict, it's hard to see the
difficulties as anything other than negative and heart breaking, but don't throw in the towel! When you think it might be over, it may have just begun.
It may be that your relationship is pushing you to meet the challenge of a new and deeper way of relating. Relationship problems can be opportunities to break out of familiar but unsatisfying patterns and can lead to growth
individually and as a couple.
Some of the issues couples bring to counselling are:
- Difficulty communicating and feeling their
partner doesn't really hear what they are saying
- Feeling unable to ask for what they want and
need from their relationship
- One partner always wanting connection and
time together and the other always seems to be distancing
- Issues over jealousy and possessiveness, affairs
- Feeling taken for granted, not feeling special
- Different parenting styles, leading to constant
arguing over the kids
- Step family issues
- No sex or different levels of sexual drive
- The impact of addictions on the relationship
- All work and no play
There's a lot of evidence that relationship counselling can make a real difference in the lives of couples and individuals who want to take an honest look at what is going on in their lives. It can be a creative opportunity to develop new skills and build awareness helping you create the kind of relationship you really want.
If you need support, get in touch!
Affairs and Betrayals
A significant number of clients I meet with come trying to cope with the impact of an affair or betrayal of some kind.
When an affair occurs there is a profound break in trust. The
discovery of an affair throws a couple into an emotional crisis whose
intensity is like the crisis following the death of a loved one. In
fact, the feelings raised when an affair is discovered are very much
part of a grieving process. There is the grief over the loss of the
relationship as it was known. There is grieving the loss of trust that
existed before the affair.
Many couples wonder if it is possible for their relationship to
survive the impact of an affair. There is no question, an affair changes
a relationship profoundly and there is a deep wounding. However,
working through the painful feelings raised by the affair can
strengthen the connection and bond between people. This is no easy
task. It takes strength, courage and motivation. There's a wise saying in Buddhism, ‘’Just as there is no lotus flower possible
without the mud, there is no understanding and insight without suffering.’’ With support, couples can make sense of the 'suffering' and begin to build a new foundation for a more aware and genuine way of relating.
Many couples are hesitant to address sensitive issues in their
relationship when it appears things are ticking along fine. The
hesitation may continue even when the sensitive issues become obvious
problems. There may be the hope that by avoiding dealing with a problem
it will go away on its own. Very likely there is the fear of raising
sensitive issues, as almost certainly conflict will follow, and hurt
follows conflict. No one seeks out pain and we tend to do everything we
can to avoid it.
When an affair is discovered, it changes everything and it feel like
all the change is for the worse. However, if a couple is able to see
that the affair has brought out in the open the reality that something
was not right between them, it is possible to build on that awareness
An affair or betrayal is a relational issue. It happens within the
context of a relationship. Something has happened in the relationship
that has led to the affair/betrayal. One way of looking at it is, as an
attempt to solve a relational problem that for some reason was not able
to be talked about in the relationship.
There is no question, the partner who has betrayed the trust must
take responsibility for what they have done, the hurt caused and the
damage done to the relationship. But this alone will not lead to an
awareness and understanding about how such a betrayal could happen. It
will not enable the couple to move forward together in their
relationship, if that is what they want to try to do. A key part of
working through involves both partners beginning to look at what they
could not speak about with each other that led to the affair.
This is not easily done and many couples find professional support in
exploring their relationship vital to being able to move through this
Relationship counselling/couples therapy can help couples work
through and begin to understand the reasons behind an affair in some
very important ways.
- Giving space to make sense of what has happened
- Slowing down interactions so feelings of anger/hurt can be expressed
- Understanding what was happening in the relationship that led to the affair
- Detoxify arguments and understanding patterns
- Addressing concerns about trust and what to do
- Re-building connection and trust
All marriages are happy, it's trying to live together afterwords that's the problem. (Shelly Winters)
Many couples I see find that soon after getting married conflicts
begin to surface and it begins to feel like the 'honeymoon is over'. If
you are having this experience, you are not alone. The committment to
marriage is one of the most important life cycle stages in your life.
Going through a major life change can bring to the surface issues that
can have a profound impact on your relationship.
It can lead to conflict. An important point to remember is that
conflict in itself is not a problem, in fact it's normal. How you deal
with the conflict in your relationship is the key. When you are in the
middle of conflict it can be hard to see a way forward. Maybe you keep
trying the same solutions that aren't working. Marriage counselling
provides the structure, support and advice to help you understand how
you can strengthen your emotional bond and work things through.
Coming for marriage counselling doesn’t mean your relationship issues
are any worse than what other couples experience. Seeking support from
a trained counsellor does mean that rather than suffering and making
do, you are motivated to improve your relationship, and a lot of good can come from that.
If you are in a relationship and are looking for support and
guidance on issues between you and your partner, you may find couples
counselling to be the most effective way of addressing your relationship
issues. Think of a relationship as a dance and the way you and your
partner interact as steps in that dance. If the steps aren't helping
the dance flow and you are 'stepping on each others toes' you need to
find new steps that work for both of you. The best way to discover
those new steps is to explore your options together.
However there are times when you may prefer to explore relationship
issues through individual counselling. It may be that at this time your
partner is not ready to begin counselling and you want to find ways
you as an individual can meet the challenges of your relationship.
You may not be in a relationship at present but want to have time to
reflect on past relationships and how your experiences from the past
are effecting the way you feel about relationships and your willingness
to enter into new relationships.
You may be grieving the loss of an intimate relationship and need the
support of a professional counsellor to help you understand and manage
all the feelings you are experiencing around that loss.
Individual counselling can be a rich and rewarding experience where
you are able to explore your thoughts and feelings in a supportive and
Family counselling is an approach to understanding and
treating relationship problems by working with the whole family, rather
than with individuals. In my work with whole families, we focus on
exploring and understanding each family member's feelings, thoughts and
ways of being in the family, within the context of the family.
There is a lot of evidence to show that working through relationship
problems, with the whole family, is a very effective way of finding
solutions to family problems. While it is true that many of our problems
can have their roots in family relationships, it is also true that the
solutions to many of our problems are to be found in resolving
problems within our families.
Every family has resources that can be harnessed to help find
solutions to family problems. When you are in the middle of a
problem, it can be difficult to identify and connect with the resources
already available to you. As a family therapist I can help families
identify and reconnect with family strengths that can lead to solutions
to family problems.
Some of the issues families bring to family therapy are:
- school difficulties
- child and adolescent problems
- step family conflicts
- marital issues
- illness in the family
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